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The Matchmaker/Transcript
(Opens to Lord Hater's ship.) Sylvia: (from inside:) WANDERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! (Zoom in to the garbage compactor, where Sylvia is trying to stop the walls from crushing them with a silver bar.) Wander: Sorry, Syl. I was sure Hater recycled. What a shame. Sylvia: It's gonna be a shame if we're flattened like, like- Wander: (finds a piece of paper) Like a piece of paper? Sylvia: Yeah, sure, whatever. Now find something to get us outta here! Wander: (looks at the paper) Sylvia... Sylvia: WHAT?! Wander: This is it! Sylvia: Great! Wander: This will solve everything! Sylvia: Awesome, buddy! Wander: This is sure to get Dominator to like Lord Hater! Sylvia: Wait, what now? (The bar breaks into half and Sylvia falls into the trash.) Wander: It's a love letter from Hater to Dominator! (Cut to a close-up of the paper, which is actually a letter from Hater to Dominator.) I just knew it, Sylvia. I knew he liked her. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Sylvia: Wander, focus! This is no time for getting gushy, help me find a way outta here! Wander: Oh, sorry. (He enters the code on the keypad, which is only on the top.) (Talking slightly fast:) 3-2-6-3-8-2- ...8. (Cut to the outside, where we hear a flushing sound, and Wander and Sylvia has escaped from the ship.) Wander: Oh, I wonder what it says. But I dare not open it, for it is not addressed to me, but I bet it's an elegant and eloquent list of all of things he finds so fascinating about her. Sylvia: Oh yeah, like how she heartlessly destroys everything in her path. Wander: Well, yeah! She can be a bit of a pill, but once we get Hater's letter to her, she'll realize someone thinks she's special! (We hear a fanfare sound as Wander holds up the letter. Title card appears, freeze-frame.) Sylvia: Wander, why would you want to get those two terrible terrors together? (Wander thinks of getting Hater and Dominator together. Cut to a fantasy sequence where we see Hater and Dominator sharing a drink together, get married and singing together.) Hater: (singing) Daddy strummed hard, Dominator: (singing) Mama strummed light, Both: All the little babies kept the beat all right, ooh! (Cut back to the present. Wander squeals.) Sylvia: (sighs) Wander, this is one of those really, really bad ideas that you're gonna do, no matter what, right? Wander: Sylvia, I know that this whole thing might seem a bit loony, but I have to do it. Love depends on it! (gets out of the orbble and goes to the left) Sylvia: (to herself:) Okay, Sylvia. How do you distract Wander with a crazy plan? (She sees the train passes by, then turns to the camera and smiles.) Sylvia: Wander! Runaway train! (She grabs the end of the train. The title card temporary changes to "The Crazier Plan".) (Cut to Wander.) Sylvia: (offscreen:) Help! Someone please help me! Wander: Don't worry, Sylvia! I'll save you! (Wander chases the train to rescue her from planet to planet. Once he finally catches it, he grabs onto Sylvia, and pulls her in.) Wander: Gotcha! Sylvia: Oh, wow, thanks for that buddy. I really need to be more careful. Wander: I'm just glad you're safe and sound. (They stop at the train station from "The Box".) And lucky for us, this station is the perfect place to help us get the letter to Dominator. (Gets off the train. Sylvia looks shocked.) (Again, we hear a fanfare sound. The title card appears as "The Matchmaker".) (Sylvia rushes to Wander, only to spot some Dominator bots. She hides behind some trash cans.) Sylvia: (gulps) Dominator bots! If Wander finds out they're here, he's sure to turn himself to them just to deliver that stupid letter! Gotta do something. (Cut to Wander standing in front of a map. Sylvia runs to beside him, trying to find a way to distract him before spotting a restaurant.) Sylvia: Say, pal. What's the rush? Why don't we grab a bite? I am starved! (mimicking stomach growling sounds) (The title card changes to "The Lunch Break". Cut to inside the restaurant. ) Sylvia: (sucks her fingers) Ah, that was amazing. I gotta tell you, buddy, I am ready for... (Title card changes to "The Nap".) '''Sylvia:' (snoring loudly) Wander: No problem. You get your rest, and I'll get back to playing... (Cue fanfare sounds. Title card changes to "The Matchmaker".) ''(Wander gets off the table. Sylvia wakes up immediately, spots Wander and tries to chase him, only to be stopped by the cashier. The cashier shows her the bill. Cut to Sylvia, who sighs, then grabs her money from her purse, and places them on the table. Title card changes to "The Overpriced Lunch". After that, Sylvia blows a raspberry at the cashier.) (Cut to Sylvia chasing Wander.) Sylvia: Wander, no! (Cut to Wander's perspective, Something the So-and-So appears in front of him. Title card changes to "The Surprise Villain".) Something: (stammering:) ''Uh, not so fast, space commuters, for it is I, um... Something the So-and-So, and yeah, so I'm gonna be maybe doing some evil, perhaps. Maybe. So, uh... conquer the galaxy! Yeah, um... 'cause that's a thing, right? And so enslave everyone, cackle, be all evil, treasures, steal treasures trains! The trains! I am gonna do something evil with the trains or, you know, whatever. ''(Cut to a closeup of Wander.) Sylvia: (mockingly:) Oh no, Wander, not Something the So-and-So! (Normal voice:) Maybe you should stop him, it'll probably take hours. Drat! Now we will never get that letter to Dominator! (Zoom in on Wander's eyes, before we see him with Something.) Wander: Excuse me, Mr. So-and-So, normally I would spend at least 11 minutes on this sort of thing, but since love is compelling me toward another quest, I'd just like to ask, is this really what you want to do with your life? Something: Uh... yeah, I don't know. Probably not. Seemed like a good idea, but I so don't know. Maybe not, 'cause yeah, sorry. Thanks, okay bye. Sorry, bye, sorry. (Fanfare sounds. Title card changes to "The Matchmaker". Wander proceeds to move forward.) Sylvia: Gah! (Grabs brochures) Wander, look! Let's go find a scary ghost monster. Wander: It'll just turn out to be Old Man Jenkins in disguise. Sylvia: (looking at brochures) Search for lost antiquities? Wander: We'll just end up in a temple solving bunch of riddles, dodging poison darts and getting chased by a giant boulder, just to find out that the greatest treasures are friendship, which we already knew. Sylvia: (flipping through brochures) Okay... then how about return to places we've already enjoyed? Old Shlooshy, the Museum of Giant Antiquities, Phunulon, Shatterton, Ballzeria 10, the Statue of the Galactic Guru! Wander: (talking fast:) Been there. Seen it. Loved it. Loved it! Seen it. Been there. (goes over Sylvia) Sylvia: (throws some brochures away, finds one) Ye Olde Tiny Candlestick Makers! ''(Wander screeches to a halt, then turns around slowly with a creaking sound.) Wander: What? (Sees brochure) That... sounds like... (Title card changes to "The Funnest Thing Ever".) Wander: ...and we're definitely going there after I get this letter to Dominator! (Fanfare sounds. Title card changes to "The Matchmaker".) Sylvia: (holding a sock) Wander, look. A missing sock! (Title card changes to "The Epic Quest". Wander gives the sock back to its owner.) Sylvia: (pointing at a baby) Is that baby lost?! (Title card changes to "The Toddler". Wander gives the baby back to the owner.) Sylvia: (holding a box) What's in the box?! (Title card changes to "The Box". Wander pushes the box away.) Wander: Who cares. Sylvia: Ah, I sure could use a cold drink! (Title card changes to "The Nice Guy".) Wander: Sylvia, you're not trying to keep me from being... (Cue fanfare sounds. Title card changes to "The Matchmaker".) Sylvia: Oh, stop you from being... (Another fanfare sound. The same title card appears.) Sylvia: ...Me? Wander, how could you even I am so surprised. No, I'm shocked. I'm shocked and hurt! Yes, I'm deeply, maybe irreparably hurt, that you could think that I could ever, ever stand in the way of- (bumps into a bot) Grop. (The bots are scanning around the area. As a result, Sylvia snatches the letter right out of Wander's hand. Title card changes to "The Last Resort". Wander looks shocked and begins to chase her. They go through the door and "The Interdimensional Door" appears as a new title. We then see Wander chasing Sylvia with different styles and each time a different title appears. In the end, the two got out of the door, Wander pins Sylvia to the floor and gets the letter back. Title card appears as "The Matchmaker".) Sylvia: Wander, sometimes you come up with crazy ideas that I would classify as, well, bad. But I only say that because I'm your best friend and I'm worried you get hurt. You see where I'm comin' from? Wander: I sure do, Sylvia. But I have to ask you something, do you trust me? Sylvia: Buddy, if you wanna get that letter to Dominator's ship, well... I'll be with you every step of the way. (Title card appears as "The Matchmaker", before the letter "S" in the word "Matchmaker" appears a few seconds later. Sylvia dashes, only to be stopped by Wander.) Wander: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sylvia, are you nuts? We can't just go up to Dominator's bots, we'll get killed. (He sneaks behind the bots, then walks to the mailbox.) Wander: (puts the letter into the mailbox) I was just gonna put it in the mail. (smiles) (Cut to a close up of Sylvia's face, as she misunderstood that they were going to Dominator's ship. Title card appears as "The Wacky Misunderstanding". Sylvia falls to the ground.) Sylvia: So now? Wander: I guess it's time for... (Title card appears as "The End". Cut to Dominator's ship. Title card appears as "The Epilogue". Cut to Dominator opening the letter.) Dominator: (reading) Do you like me? Check 1. (beat) (confused) Who is this from? (Screen cuts to black.) Category:Transcripts